¡Bienvenidos a la SELVA!

Monday night marked the end of my best adventure yet, an epic journey into the Northern Amazon. Here we go.

Day 1: Lima to Tarapoto to Yurimaguas

Last Tuesday four friends and I met up at the Lima airport more than ready to forgo school for a relaxing trip in hammocks on a cargo boat down the Amazon. We had no idea how crazy this jungle trip would soon become. After an hour flight we landed in a tiny airport in Tarapoto. From there we argued with taxi drivers until we got a reasonable price on a ride to a nearby port town called Yurimaguas. We crammed all 5 gringos into the tiny taxi and took off on a 2 hour drive into the jungle. About an hour in we get flagged down by a group of police. Apparently having 2 people in the front passenger seat is a big no-no. After scaring us half to death by asking to see our passports and having 4 flashlights shining in on us, the police decided we were pretty harmless tourists, stopped interrogating, and started chatting. Some bribe money was exchanged and the taxi driver walked away with out a ticket and our adventure continued. Close to 11 we rolled into Yurimaguas which is a small town full of outdoor mom and pop restaurants and tin roofs. We had a little feast of mystery meats which may have included chicken feet and black catfish. Too tired to explore, we crashed at a hostel nearby.

Day 2: Yurimaguas to Yurimaguas?

The whole reason I wanted to come on this trip was to ride down the Amazon in a cargo boat, so early Wednesday morning we set out to find the docks. We took a mototaxi (a motorcycle with a tiny trailer that is passed off as a taxi) to the dock where we were welcomed by ankle deep mud, dozens of cows, thousands of chickens, and men running every which way loading boats. After asking around we found out the boat didn't leave until that afternoon. To pass the time we decided to go back into town and brave the outdoor markets in search of hammocks. Another mototaxi and 5 hammock stores later, we found the perfect hammocks at the perfect price. The rest of the day was spent mototaxi-ing between the markets and the docks, each time getting a different answer for when the boat was going to leave. This was our first lesson on jungle time: it doesn't exist. When we were finally able to get onto the boat (the Eduardo) and had our hammocks all set, the captain came by and informed us we wouldn't actually leave until morning. Too hot and exhausted to get off the boat and find another hostel, we decided to just sleep on Eduardo and the captain was nice enough to feed us dinner. That night we met two Spaniards, a Belgian, and a Peruvian on vacation who convinced us to go back into town to find a bar. Looking my finest in pajamas and glasses, I followed the group to a small dance club that served up warm beers and sassy salsa music. The DJ was so excited to meet Americans that he changed the music to Michael Jackson, surely to make us feel at home. Once we couldn't stand sweating anymore we slumped back to Eduardo and into our hammocks. The next thing I remember is sunrise and the breakfast bell.

Day 3: Yurimaguas to Lagunas

Hammocks on boats are dangerous. I can't tell you how many times I started my homework and immediately fell asleep. I probably took 3 naps Thursday. Luckily, I wasn't the only one, everybody napped all day. The original plan was to stay on the boat for the next 3 to 4 days until we got to Iquitos, but Chad convinced us all to get off at the next town and find a jungle tour. We were all too disoriented from napping all day to say no so around 10 that night we got off in a tiny town full of huts with thatched roofs. Amid the chaos of dozens of men unloading chickens and cows from the boat, we were approached by a man offering jungle tours. Frazzled by all the activity around us, we followed him on a 30 minute walk to his office/house. Inside he offered us a guided river tour of the jungle and when he saw the looks on our faces after saying the price he threw in free beds for the night and breakfast in the morning. We said yes, please. Carly and I had to share a bed, which turned out to be more of a plank covered by a sheet and surrounded by a mosquito net. I saw the biggest spiders of my life and was hassled by the pet parrot all night, but the bed was free so I can't really complain. besides the wildlife, there was no electricity, no running water, and no toilet. I have bug bites in places no person should ever have bug bites.

Day 4: Lagunas to a hut on the river in the jungle

Thankfully, in the morning I had the best free breakfast of my life with what seemed to be an entire jungle family (even the parrot) which consisted of a tomato and onion omelet the size of my face and grilled plantains. The guides then hustled us into a motorcycle/trailer combo with our backpacks and we drove almost an hour into the jungle. After visiting the police station, signing our lives away to the amazon, getting stuck in mud and almost tipping over multiple times we got to the mouth of the river. Carly, Monica, Tom, and I piled into a tiny canoe with our guide Esteban and our cook Maria. These two turned out to be the biggest characters I would meet on the trip. Squished into the boat, the sides barely 6 inches above the water, we set off. We spent the whole day paddling through jungle, spotting monkeys, and listening to Esteban's ridiculous life stories. The best one involved his uncle and an anaconda in a fight. Apparently, his uncle won by biting the anaconda back. Good to know. Little Maria would pipe in with anecdotes of her own, but her jungle accent and lack of teeth made her hard to understand. Mostly I just smiled and nodded. Late in the afternoon we reached a hut on stilts in the middle of a swamp. A little peruvian family greeted us and offered us dinner which was rice with a side of spaghetti. And bananas, so many bananas. I've never had so many carbs before in my life. Barely 5 minutes after lunch we were swimming in the Amazon and passing it off as a shower. Later came peruvian card games and a night canoe ride in search of crocodiles. No crocs though, only more mosquitoes.

Day 5: A hut on the river in the jungle to Lagunas to Eduardo

The next morning I woke in a tangle of mosquito net and sweat. The jungle was SO HOT. So much for my "shower." We had breakfast, said out goodbyes to the family, and piled back into the canoe with Maria and Esteban. Highlights from the ride back included seeing giant iguanas, Monica being pooped on by monkeys, sitting under a tarp during a downpour while listening to Esteban sing jungle songs. Once back on dry land, we took the motorcyle/trailer back to Lagunas. Back at the house, we asked one of the daughters if there was a boat coming in that night (some of the group was starting to panic since they had flights in Iquitos the next day). The daughter assured us that the boat left that night at 9 and we could get to Iquitos the next day by 3 because it was only a 26 hour ride. Now, I'm no math major, but that didn't quite check out. This was my second lesson in jungle time: no one knows how long anything takes. Not quite trusting her, we rushed to the docks and ended up waiting 6 hours until an Eduardo showed up. This wasn't strange to anyone though, the whole town seemed to just be hanging out at the docks. We watched the sunset and chatted with the locals, many of whom had never seen blonde haired giants. FINALLY around 11 our boat came. We boarded, hung up hammocks, and passed out.

Day 6: Eduardo to Nauta to Iquitos

This day was much like Day 3, a lot of napping. When we were actually able to keep our eyes open, we played cards with fellow passengers and attempted homework, but that usually led to more naps. We thought we could make it to Iquitos in time on this Eduardo, but it turns out the daughter's estimate was way off (no surprise) and Iquitos was still a 3 day trip away. We made the executive decision to get off at the next big town and take a bus to Iquitos. The next town turned out to be Nauta. We made our way onto a bus with a few other passengers, some locals, and one live chicken. Two hours of driving brought us to Iquitos where we picked out the first hostel we saw. After getting the price down from 100 soles to 60 soles we went up to our room. It was the best room we could have hoped for. 1. there was air conditioning. 2. there was a TV and Arrested Development was playing. 3. the beds were actually beds. 4. there was a toilet.

Day 7: Iquitos to Lima

Carly and Tom left to catch their flights at 6 in the morning and Monica and I didn't roll out of bed until 9. I then took my first real shower in 6 days. I felt like a new person. We ventured downstairs and asked the manager what there was to do in Iquitos and he suggested the zoo. He pointed us to the bus stop and we took a 1 sol combi into the middle of nowhere, got off on the side of the highway, and hiked 20 minutes up to the zoo. This zoo trip turned out to be the best part of the whole trip. The zoo was practically empty and since we opted not to hire a guide, we had the run of the place. After petting some monkeys, we headed over to the dolphin tank. The only thing between us and the dolphin was a tiny wooden fence, so of course we climbed under. I swished a stick around under the water to get the dolphin's attention and it came right over with a rock in its mouth, ready to play. Monica and I took turns playing fetch with it, taking short breaks to pet it. Unfortunately, a family headed over and we got scared, said our goodbyes, and snuck out of the enclosure. Our next stop was a toothless man with an anaconda. When he asked if I wanted to hold the snake, I said I didn't come all the way to the jungle not to hold an anaconda. So he promptly put it around my neck and with the help of 4 chubby, peruvian sailors, egged me on to kiss the snake. I did. They loved it. After seeing all the animals we came up to the plant part of the zoo. This is where we met my other favorite jungle friend. He could have been Bill Murray from Caddyshack's peruvian doppleganger. He made us look at ALL of his plants and smell ALL of his plants, even when we told him we had to catch a plane. Once we finally escaped we found a tiny restaurant outside the zoo and decided to eat. As soon as we saw there was suri, we knew we had to try it. Suri are giant jungle meal worms, prepared by skewering them on a stick and throwing them on the grill...live. After a 3, 2, 1 Monica and I closed our eyes and ate the grubs. Turns out they are pretty delicious. They taste like chicken skin. Sort of. We then hopped back on the bus and rode into town. We still had some time so we wandered in search of juice until we found the cutest old couple who made the peruvian equivalent to shaved ice. Monica and I sat on stools on the side or the road and shared 2 giant bowls of ice flavored with jungle fruits I had never heard of while chatting with locals. When it was finally time to go we grabbed a mototaxi to the little airport, waited forever, and flew back to Lima. I can't tell you how excited I was to get home to my bed and shower, Turns out I missed Lima a little bit.

Conclusions: Jungle people are the nicest, slowest moving, happiest people I've met. And this was the best trip I've ever taken. Thank you Peru.